On Letting Go
Meditation and letting go:
Many of the challenges we face in life may stem from our reluctance or inability to let go. Our minds are always wandering and fixating on what we want to obtain or avoid. We tend to dwell on the past, reliving past traumas and successes, irritations and pleasures, and projecting into the future. This approach is exhausting, yet we fail to realize that we don't have to live like this. Freedom is within our reach, and it can be found by practicing meditation. Meditation helps us stay in the present moment, recognize our habitual tendencies, and learn how to let go.
According to the teachings of Buddha, holding onto things and becoming excessively attached to them can lead to suffering, while releasing these attachments can bring freedom. Buddha spoke about suffering in great detail, discussing its nature, causes, and possible remedies. However, despite the desire of all living beings to avoid pain and suffering, fighting against it or rejecting it often results in even more suffering. Although some pain and discomfort can be alleviated, not all of it can be avoided. By using discernment, we can determine what we can avoid and what we cannot. Accepting things and situations that we cannot escape spares us a great deal of anguish, and we can stop struggling when we accept the pain, discomfort, and challenges - emotional, physical, spiritual - that can't be avoided. This proactive acceptance allows the mind to be at ease, which is the essence of letting go.
People often turn to psychologists and other experts to gain insights into how the mind works and to help them cope with life's challenges. While this can be beneficial, sometimes the focus on finding someone or something to blame for our problems can get in the way of personal growth. Often, it's easier to shift responsibility to others, whether it be our parents or other external factors. However, the Buddha taught that suffering arises from specific causes and conditions, and that we have the power to plant the seeds of future happiness. By understanding the law of cause and effect, we can take responsibility for our own actions and work towards creating positive outcomes in our lives.
Of course, everyone wants to let go of pain and suffering, but letting go of their root cause—attachment—is another story. Why would we want to let go of attachment to pleasant things? Generally speaking, the desire for pleasant things is based either on the memory of something similar that we enjoyed and want to experience again or a projection of the pleasure we think a certain thing or situation will bring us. That’s our habitual functioning, and it’s difficult for us to recognize and distance ourselves from the usual reactions of clinging and rejecting. When we follow these tendencies, we’re somewhere in the past, a daydream or the future. We’re anywhere but in the present moment.
Meditation can be helpful in letting go of thoughts and emotions. When we choose not to dwell on a thought or emotion during our meditation practice, we learn to let go and remain present in the moment. This can be a great relief and can help us realize that letting go is possible.
While letting go on the cushion is a powerful practice, it can be challenging to let go in real-life situations, especially when we face potentially hurtful or harmful circumstances. If we are faced with physical harm, we should do our best to escape. However, if the aggression is verbal or emotional, our willingness to be hurt can play a big role. If we decide not to allow others to harm us with their words or actions, we take away much of their power. This too is letting go, and it involves letting go of reactions and feelings that can contribute to our discomfort.
One of the choices we have in life is to manage our expectations. When we decide to let go of certain expectations, such as the idea of a perfect life, and instead accept that grief, loss, and disappointment are natural parts of life, it becomes easier to face the challenges and difficulties that we encounter. Life is full of ups and downs, and accepting this truth is a powerful way to reduce suffering. It's important to note that accepting the truth is not a weak or passive act. It requires effort to be honest and move forward. Changing our expectations is a crucial part of the practice of letting go. We can start by letting go of our ideas of getting better at meditation.
Practically speaking, how can we do this? We can begin by identifying the gap between what we want and what is actually happening. This requires being willing to bring our hidden expectations and desires to light. When we meditate, regardless of the form of practice we choose, we give ourselves space to recognize what's happening in our minds without grasping or judging. We can then return to the practice of observing our breath. This is how Buddhists train themselves to let go, and it is this practice that prepares us for the challenges of everyday life.